God just won't stop blessing me! Julie's horse Duchess foaled in the early morning of my birthday. A beautiful, healthy, strong filly we named Zephyr. Yesterday we found out that Michele's sister and her husband also welcomed their firstborn on the 25th of May; a little boy named Timothy Asher. Congrats, you three! And how cool that Calvin now has a 21 year old sister and a nephew all on the same day! Pretty darn.
What else is going on? Anders is gone with his dad and the Walker males to Prineville for seven long days of no cell phone reception but I'm okay because God is enough and I can make it without hearing from Anders because I've done it before just not when we were really in love so this is new so could you pray for me because I really miss him already and I wish I was there shooting prairie rats and exploring and camping and just being with my man but I'm okay because God is enough and His grace is sufficient in my weakness.
Anders' Honor Academy brother Josh in moving from Houstin, TX to live with the Pollmans for a while. He needs a change of scenery and some real family to come around him and hold him up. It's really going to be different and everyone involved will be imacted one or another. But God is up to something special so I'm cautiously excited for the future. PRAY!!!
Two of my friends are getting married in the next two months! Another two will be married next summer, one of whom asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. No, of course I'm not jealous. Not at all. Well, maybe just a little bit, but not in an impatient, unhealthy way. My turn will come at just the right time.
I need to get going now. Thanks for reading. God bless you.

The best birthday gift ever...Freedom

Last night and early this morning was incredible. Anders and I were sitting on their couch spending some quality time together, waiting for Barbara to pick me up. We were speaking deep things of the heart and sharing the joys one brings to the other when Something happened. Anders reached over and cupped my jaw in his hand and told me that I was beautiful. This happens a lot and I always love hearing it. I smiled and said thank you. A look came into his wonderful eyes that looked akin to pain.
He said, "You just don't know how beautiful you are." I said that I probably didn't. That look was back.
He was all of a sudden saying, "You just don't know! I wish I could tell you what you do to my heart. How can I make you see? I don't know how to tell you how amazingly, captivatingly beautiful you are! I don't know how to tell you. I just don't know what to say!"
Something broke loose inside my heart. It was pride being broken that I didn't know was there, and I finally realized that I was able to believe him! I really, truly, believed that I was beautiful. Not because of what I look like, but because I am. I thought I believed it before, but I had just known it. With my head, with my "doctrine". Anders, guided by the aching heart of God, had set me free from the fetters of pride and brought me into the sweet light of liberty. Fetters I thought I had taken care of almost a year ago. I wept, broken, humbled, and finally accepting who I was created.
Then Barbara came and we stood up to say goodbye and pray together. Sometimes Anders prays for me while looking into my eyes and he did last night. There was something different in his eyes. For the first time I could see that he was not talking to me, even though his eyes were looking deep into my soul. I have always loved listening in while Anders talks to God about me and prays blessing and protection over me. He took authority over my life and rebuked Satan and his works and those eyes got so intense and stern that, if he had been talking to me, I would have been scared.
When Anders paused and smiled at me, my chest felt on fire. A look of wonder came over him and he said, "Oh my gosh! I just felt my heart connect to you!" We couldn't do anything but stand there looking at each other, realizing that we had just fallen in love in a whole new way! I was crying and we were both laughing in the joy that God, the Author of Romance, had plunged our hearts into. It was like God had revealed Himself to us in each other's eyes. It felt like I had been following after God my whole life and He had just turned around and I had seen His eyes for the first time in Anders. Anders said the same thing happened to him!
After we left and arrived at the house, Anders called and we spent 96 minutes figuring out what had just happened. I read Hebrews 11:24-26 to him and said that I thought God had let us peek into the box holding the treasure waiting for us as a reward for spurning the "passing pleasures of sin" and holding out for what God has for us. Discovery after discovery kept blowing us away as God blessed us with them. We were both crying and laughing and having the most amazing worship time.
Here's where the birthday bit comes in. I was telling Anders about realizing the freedom of finally believing my beauty and I looked up at the clock. It was 12:05 am. It was my birthday. I was 21 years old. A woman who now believed in the beauty she has to unveil. Not only that, but if you will page down to a previous entry, you will see that on Dec. 25 at 12:05 am Something Else happened. Exactly 5 months ago we professed our love and now we have fallen into a love deeper than ever before. Isn't the Lord good, amazing, exciting, and just darn cool? He showed to me that night in the joyful eyes of my man the joy Christ has in His bride, the church. He showed me that the overwhelming love of Anders is diddly compared to His love for me. So wild and passionate is the heart of God for His beloved.
Don't you want to know such love? It's possible, my friend. Just let Him in. Just ask Him to save you, to rescue you from the fight you are so tired of fighting on your own. The fight to be enough, to be accepted, to be loved. He loves you unconditionally. Won't you let Him show you how much? You will never be the same. I promise.

Where were we...?

Well, it has certainly been a while since last posting. Oops! Things have been busy and somewhat stressful in a good, growing sort of way. It's hard finding a balance in spending time with family and Anders, work, Bible studies, discipleship with Rebecca and Audrey, etc.
Anders' and my relationship just keeps getting deeper, stronger, more fun, more amazing. God has really blessed us as we strive to honor Him. There have been several times we've had to step back and make a few changes to keep up the standard of purity we committed to on Jan. 1, and I'm pleased to say God has been faithful in keeping us between the extreems of legalism and lawlessness. There is so much joy to be found in a relationship committed to and controlled by God. I would have it no other way! There is a passage in the book of Hebrews in the Bible that has really blessed us as we walk contrary to the ways of the world. It's talking about Moses, but it really fits our situation.

"By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasure of sin, considering the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he was looking to the reward." Hebrews 11:24-26

We have chosen a path that is different and a little weird to most people because we value the name of Christ. As Christians, we are His example on earth. We want to honor Him because He is worth it. We love Him because He loved us first and died for us while we were His enemies so we could become His friends. Yes, Anders and I are normal human beings with normal desires, but those desires have been committed to honoring God. He has given us strength to deny the passing pleasure of sin-or what may lead to sin-and will reward us for that. Our first kiss will be on our wedding day if God brings us there. What's cool is that neither of us has ever kissed anyone. Ever. It will something we share only with each other with no memories of previous relationships getting in the way. God is so AMAZING!!!

The last of the year...

Well, here I am house sitting again! My boss and his wife left for Canada on Christmas morning and they'll be back this weekend. It's my first time being alone, though. Bo is feeding animals for our neighbors AM and PM so she had to stay home. It's been fun! Indy the dog keeps me company.
I am so ready to have a home of my own. These little "practice runs" at other peoples' places just keep confirming that. My own dishes, my own furniture, my own bed, my own flowers, my own routine, my own smells, my own colors in my own kitchen. Mine, mine, mine, me, me, me! Well, it isn't that bad, but you get the idea. Speaking of own flowers, Robin's house plants need to be watered and I have to prepare the lesson for youth tonight and I haven't eaten since 9:30 this morning. Toodles!

*sigh*

I never knew one could feel so treasured, so cherished. At 12:05 on the morning of December 25, 2005, Anders told me that he loved me. I knew, of course, but this was the first time he had said those words and didn't mean "like a sister". "I love you, too!" was my response. Those tiny words are so small compared to what they mean to me. It was like God leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. Accepting the blessing of Anders' love filled me with such a flood of worship to the One who created such love. The One who loves us so much that what I feel for Anders is indifference in comparison to His fierce, tender, jealous, unexplainable passion for us. God, You blow me away. Thank you! Teach me to love You like that...

The plunge...

I feel it is time to bring everyone up to speed with the gritty details of my life. Not annoying gritty like the leftover polish in one's teeth after the dentist, but the joyful kind like finding beach sand from the summer in the creases of one's duffel bag during the winter.
Anyway, the easiest way to get this done is to just say it. The beginning is a good place to start. Anders, Bo, and I have been best friends for some now. August 2006 will mark the 7th anniversary of our meeting. The last four and a half years have brought more amorous feelings for Anders from me but I was able to mask them from him anyway until about 2 1/2 years ago when he started reciprocating them. God did a lot of work in me those two years I was alone in my feelings. LOTS!!! Like getting it through my head that He and He alone will ever complete and fulfill me. I had to be His first and foremost before He would allow "a man in my life." A few days before Anders left for Texas for a year we were finally able to express what had been growing between us the last 14 months or so. Then he left. We agreed that a year was a long time for people to be apart and so we would see what God would do. I'm still amazed at what He did do! Honor Academy rules dictate that any relationship between the genders would be strictly platonic, so I spent Anders' three visits home pretending that I didn't love him and he was afraid of being dismissed so he kind of kept me at arm's length. It was really hard and confusing and stressful and I gained and lost the same three pounds over and over again. The only thing that I could really cling to was knowing that God was in charge and that whatever He brought to pass would be very good. What a lesson in trust!
Fast-forward to September 8, 2005. Anders and I had our first "talk" since he left. We shared some things that God had shown us and just kind of talked things out. Neither of us felt lead to commit to a romance at the time so we decided to set our acknowledged feelings for each other aside for a time and take another dose of platonic tonic. Get to know each other again. Keep building our friendship. Find out where and how God had grown us. What we didn't know was that the expiration date on the tonic was only four months away. We had prayed that God would give us the love for each other that He wanted us to have. We completely and repeatedly surrendered "us" to Him and begged that He would do His work uninhibited by our human efforts. He has surprised us, friends! Surprised us with what He had done in each other's lives, with the growth and maturity we saw, and with the love He has blessed us with.
December 10, 2005 at the Bean Tree (a charming coffee shop), after serious consultations with parents and mentors, Anders and I decided to "kick our relationship out of neutral" and move slowly but deliberately into courtship to see if God has marriage in mind for us. There are still many patches of heavy fog that we can't see through right now, but we are committed to glorifying God with all that we do. Our relationship is to reflect our relationship with God as His church. We are dedicated to fighting for physical, mental, and spiritual purity and helping each other out in that fight. It is rough. It is beautiful. It is something I wouldn't trade for the world on a silver platter. We are at peace and filled with a joyful excitement over what is ahead. Rejoice with us, friends, and please keep us in your prayers.

The Joys of Pain

Pain...we all know it personally in one way or another. Physical, emotional, imagined, actual. Pain of our own and pain we feel on behalf of others. Sharp, dull, brief, and lasting. Pain caused by others and pain we bring on ourselves. It can be a good thing! It warns us that something is not quite right. It reminds us of our humanity and drives us to the One who comforts, heals, rescues, and holds us and tells us it's gonna be okay!
Thomas Ward Walker died at 22 weeks gestation early last week. He was 6.4 oz. and 8.5 inches long, perfectly formed. The pain I experienced the day I heard was like that I might feel if my own son had died. I hurt for the Walkers as a family, for Rebecca as a mother, as my friend, and I hurt for me. I hurt again for the loss of my brother and sister-in-law's unborn baby who died almost a year ago. I think it hurts me so bad because I long for children of my own. When Rebecca and Michele were pregnant I got to be excited with them and for them and for the joy of the "someday" of my own. I got to pretend and dream. When the babies died, my dream baby (in some wierd way) died with them. I've begged God not to let this happen to me. Then Wednesday while praying for the Walker family on the floor of my friend's bedroom, He asked me "What if I do let miscarriage happen to you? What if your baby dies before being born?" Talk about a red hot poker through my soul!!!! I had to pray for strength to answer! He has been with me through all the "Isaacs" I've had to lay on the altar of obedient worship and He gave me the courage and strength to lay this one down. If the plan of my sovereign and loving God requires the life or death of my future children, then they are His. If His plan will be carried out in my never having children or never marrying, my body and life are His to do with as He pleases. He has never let me down and it is not in His character to start now. He was, is, and always will be worthy of all praise in every situation. My heart is at peace because it is resting in His hands. The name of my God is a strong tower in which I am safe. Thank you, LORD!!!

Back at it!

Well, today is the day Fall Quarter starts here at CCE. Algebra 1 and General Psychology this time. Eight credits total-the most I've ever done. I have a lot of friends in Psych, so that'll be fun. I am now waiting for psych to start at 3:30. Another 2 1/2 hours to go. Sigh! I can always do math homework and add to my blog, I guess.
The hay crew campout was last week at Olallie Lake. Very fun. Went by very fast. We swam in the very cold lake on very cold days (how can one resist being in the water?), climbed all over the very cool rocks at the lava flow of the nearby mountain, and took very funny pictures and movie clips. A few of us are putting together said media to make a very spiffy movie. We worked on it for a few hours yesterday and got about 10 minutes done. That's almost like claymation movies! I love you, Wallace and Gromit!
Anders came home from his year at The Honor Academy in Texas last month. It has been great getting used to having him home. I really look forward to getting to know him again. God has done a lot of work in both of us this past year in different areas of our lives. Exciting stuff! More on that some other time.
I think we're all done housesitting. I hope so because I miss being home! I'm tired of packing and living out of my duffel bag. My flower garden is a mess and I need to reorganize my stuff at home.
Well, I need to go to the bank and give a shopping list to Mr. P for the lasagne I'm making for his hunting trips. I also want to see what Bo has been doing on her blog. Talk at y'all later!

Woah!

I, like, haven't been to my blog in, like, ages! No internet access is annoying when one is trying to keep up with things. No time to write-have to help friends and have a chat. Whew! Toodles! My garlic is great, bytheway.

Yummyness

I love garlic. Today I am at the library and just finished flipping through "The Stinking Cookbook" put out by a California resaurant called The Stinking Rose. Here's a recipe for 40 Clove Garlic Chicken and Garlic Chowder and Garlic Filet Mignon. *Shudder of pleasure* I am about to harvest my first garlic crop this month. I planted some Italian Late and some Georgian Crystal from the country of Georgia--not the state. Can't wait to roast some and spread the aromatic paste over some crusty bread shared with creamy brie. *Sigh* One of few things that are absolute yummyness and absolute healthiness at the same time! Cheers!