Sheesh!

Don't you just hate it when there are so many emotions and thoughts and feelings running through your brain that you don't know which one to pick out and begin with? I know I do. I'm feeling a little lonely tonight. Barbara is staying the night at home with our dogs while I'm here at Jim's with Indie. Anders went to the Dalles with his mom and Josh to visit family. Mom and Dad are in Portland until Mom comes home tomorrow. I'm feeling emotional for the reasons above and for the reason to follow. I'm getting treatments that will cure my oral herpes for good. No more outbreaks. With the treatments come massage to get the lymph system flushing out toxins. When toxins get flushed into the blood stream to be dealt with in the liver, they cause the emotions to fluctuate. So I'm cleansing; I'm tired; I miss Anders, my parents, and my sister; and those seem very good reasons to be emotional. Remember that this comes with the territory with me being the woman I was created. There are times I wish I could turn them off and just see what it feels like to be "normal". Then I hear my sister's voice in my head saying, "Normal is a dryer setting." And God asks me if He made a mistake when He wired me. I hang my head and whisper no. I am the way I am because I'm the only one who can be me. No one else can do "La-la" with Katie like I can. No one can be Dad's favorite middle child like I can. No one else can make Anders come alive like I can. No one else can say the things I do, feel things the way I do, pray like I can. No one can give God the same love I can. No, I'm not better. I'm just me. And I'm fine with that. Confusing emotions and all. I am who God meant me to be.

It's so hard!

Well, here I go again. I don't know why it's so hard for me to make myself write/type out what has gone and how I feel about it. Regular journaling is a struggle lately, too. I think it's because what I would be writing seems too precious to be written out. Like putting happenings and feelings down on paper or online would somehow cheapen the beauty of it all.
I'm not really in the mood now, but I'll give it a try.
Today Emily comes home from Turkey! I really miss her and can't wait to see her. The insides of my arms are itching for an Em hug.
Tomorrow is Anders' and my eight month courtship anniversary. We're going riding with his dad and his dad's friend up to the up-highest place around. Yeah! We were wanting to do this for my birthday, but other, Priney stuff got scheduled and we've had to postpone.
I wish I could convey to y'all how much Anders and I love each other. Unfortunately, you would probably not care, get sick, get jealous, or not fully understand. Not only that, but I myself have a hard enough time wrapping my brain around it. Yesterday he was here in the house when I came home from work. He had hidden clues to a treasure and then hidden himself. He could hear me running from room to room, absolutely giddy and laughing my head off. "I don't have time for this, I have to pee!" Then I found the marble in the sugar canister, but I couldn't find Anders anywhere! I opened every closet door, looked under the beds, behind the washer and dryer, in the woodshed, garage, everywhere! My adrenaline was pumping, expecting him to jump out at me any moment. Then I saw his wonderfully masculine shoulder behind the entertainment center!
I get a taste of heaven on earth in his embrace. He and his name go together so well. Anders is the Scandinavian form of Andrew, which means MANLY! Yup, he's my manly man. Wild, dangerous, gentle, strong in character as well as in body, submitted to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, children love him, he rides a horse like nobody's business, and he makes me feel like the most beautiful, feminine Woman on earth. What more could a girl ask for?

Psalm 37:1-40

Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.

For they shall soon be cut down like the grass and wither as the green herb.

Trust in the LORD and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.

Delight thyself in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.

For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth

For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.

But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.

The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.

The LORD shall laugh at him: for He sees that his day is coming.

The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.

Their sword shall enter their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.

A little that the righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.

For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.

The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be forever.

They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke they shall consume away.

The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.

For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that are cursed of him shall be cut off.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him in His hand.

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.

Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.

For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not His saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.

The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein forever.

The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.

The law of his God is in his heart: none of his steps will slide.

The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.

The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.

Wait on the LORD, and keep His way, and He shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.

I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.

Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.

Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.

But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.

But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: He is their strength in the time of trouble.

And the LORD shall help them and deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him.