God just won't stop blessing me! Julie's horse Duchess foaled in the early morning of my birthday. A beautiful, healthy, strong filly we named Zephyr. Yesterday we found out that Michele's sister and her husband also welcomed their firstborn on the 25th of May; a little boy named Timothy Asher. Congrats, you three! And how cool that Calvin now has a 21 year old sister and a nephew all on the same day! Pretty darn.
What else is going on? Anders is gone with his dad and the Walker males to Prineville for seven long days of no cell phone reception but I'm okay because God is enough and I can make it without hearing from Anders because I've done it before just not when we were really in love so this is new so could you pray for me because I really miss him already and I wish I was there shooting prairie rats and exploring and camping and just being with my man but I'm okay because God is enough and His grace is sufficient in my weakness.
Anders' Honor Academy brother Josh in moving from Houstin, TX to live with the Pollmans for a while. He needs a change of scenery and some real family to come around him and hold him up. It's really going to be different and everyone involved will be imacted one or another. But God is up to something special so I'm cautiously excited for the future. PRAY!!!
Two of my friends are getting married in the next two months! Another two will be married next summer, one of whom asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. No, of course I'm not jealous. Not at all. Well, maybe just a little bit, but not in an impatient, unhealthy way. My turn will come at just the right time.
I need to get going now. Thanks for reading. God bless you.

The best birthday gift ever...Freedom

Last night and early this morning was incredible. Anders and I were sitting on their couch spending some quality time together, waiting for Barbara to pick me up. We were speaking deep things of the heart and sharing the joys one brings to the other when Something happened. Anders reached over and cupped my jaw in his hand and told me that I was beautiful. This happens a lot and I always love hearing it. I smiled and said thank you. A look came into his wonderful eyes that looked akin to pain.
He said, "You just don't know how beautiful you are." I said that I probably didn't. That look was back.
He was all of a sudden saying, "You just don't know! I wish I could tell you what you do to my heart. How can I make you see? I don't know how to tell you how amazingly, captivatingly beautiful you are! I don't know how to tell you. I just don't know what to say!"
Something broke loose inside my heart. It was pride being broken that I didn't know was there, and I finally realized that I was able to believe him! I really, truly, believed that I was beautiful. Not because of what I look like, but because I am. I thought I believed it before, but I had just known it. With my head, with my "doctrine". Anders, guided by the aching heart of God, had set me free from the fetters of pride and brought me into the sweet light of liberty. Fetters I thought I had taken care of almost a year ago. I wept, broken, humbled, and finally accepting who I was created.
Then Barbara came and we stood up to say goodbye and pray together. Sometimes Anders prays for me while looking into my eyes and he did last night. There was something different in his eyes. For the first time I could see that he was not talking to me, even though his eyes were looking deep into my soul. I have always loved listening in while Anders talks to God about me and prays blessing and protection over me. He took authority over my life and rebuked Satan and his works and those eyes got so intense and stern that, if he had been talking to me, I would have been scared.
When Anders paused and smiled at me, my chest felt on fire. A look of wonder came over him and he said, "Oh my gosh! I just felt my heart connect to you!" We couldn't do anything but stand there looking at each other, realizing that we had just fallen in love in a whole new way! I was crying and we were both laughing in the joy that God, the Author of Romance, had plunged our hearts into. It was like God had revealed Himself to us in each other's eyes. It felt like I had been following after God my whole life and He had just turned around and I had seen His eyes for the first time in Anders. Anders said the same thing happened to him!
After we left and arrived at the house, Anders called and we spent 96 minutes figuring out what had just happened. I read Hebrews 11:24-26 to him and said that I thought God had let us peek into the box holding the treasure waiting for us as a reward for spurning the "passing pleasures of sin" and holding out for what God has for us. Discovery after discovery kept blowing us away as God blessed us with them. We were both crying and laughing and having the most amazing worship time.
Here's where the birthday bit comes in. I was telling Anders about realizing the freedom of finally believing my beauty and I looked up at the clock. It was 12:05 am. It was my birthday. I was 21 years old. A woman who now believed in the beauty she has to unveil. Not only that, but if you will page down to a previous entry, you will see that on Dec. 25 at 12:05 am Something Else happened. Exactly 5 months ago we professed our love and now we have fallen into a love deeper than ever before. Isn't the Lord good, amazing, exciting, and just darn cool? He showed to me that night in the joyful eyes of my man the joy Christ has in His bride, the church. He showed me that the overwhelming love of Anders is diddly compared to His love for me. So wild and passionate is the heart of God for His beloved.
Don't you want to know such love? It's possible, my friend. Just let Him in. Just ask Him to save you, to rescue you from the fight you are so tired of fighting on your own. The fight to be enough, to be accepted, to be loved. He loves you unconditionally. Won't you let Him show you how much? You will never be the same. I promise.

Where were we...?

Well, it has certainly been a while since last posting. Oops! Things have been busy and somewhat stressful in a good, growing sort of way. It's hard finding a balance in spending time with family and Anders, work, Bible studies, discipleship with Rebecca and Audrey, etc.
Anders' and my relationship just keeps getting deeper, stronger, more fun, more amazing. God has really blessed us as we strive to honor Him. There have been several times we've had to step back and make a few changes to keep up the standard of purity we committed to on Jan. 1, and I'm pleased to say God has been faithful in keeping us between the extreems of legalism and lawlessness. There is so much joy to be found in a relationship committed to and controlled by God. I would have it no other way! There is a passage in the book of Hebrews in the Bible that has really blessed us as we walk contrary to the ways of the world. It's talking about Moses, but it really fits our situation.

"By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasure of sin, considering the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he was looking to the reward." Hebrews 11:24-26

We have chosen a path that is different and a little weird to most people because we value the name of Christ. As Christians, we are His example on earth. We want to honor Him because He is worth it. We love Him because He loved us first and died for us while we were His enemies so we could become His friends. Yes, Anders and I are normal human beings with normal desires, but those desires have been committed to honoring God. He has given us strength to deny the passing pleasure of sin-or what may lead to sin-and will reward us for that. Our first kiss will be on our wedding day if God brings us there. What's cool is that neither of us has ever kissed anyone. Ever. It will something we share only with each other with no memories of previous relationships getting in the way. God is so AMAZING!!!