The Joys of Pain

Pain...we all know it personally in one way or another. Physical, emotional, imagined, actual. Pain of our own and pain we feel on behalf of others. Sharp, dull, brief, and lasting. Pain caused by others and pain we bring on ourselves. It can be a good thing! It warns us that something is not quite right. It reminds us of our humanity and drives us to the One who comforts, heals, rescues, and holds us and tells us it's gonna be okay!
Thomas Ward Walker died at 22 weeks gestation early last week. He was 6.4 oz. and 8.5 inches long, perfectly formed. The pain I experienced the day I heard was like that I might feel if my own son had died. I hurt for the Walkers as a family, for Rebecca as a mother, as my friend, and I hurt for me. I hurt again for the loss of my brother and sister-in-law's unborn baby who died almost a year ago. I think it hurts me so bad because I long for children of my own. When Rebecca and Michele were pregnant I got to be excited with them and for them and for the joy of the "someday" of my own. I got to pretend and dream. When the babies died, my dream baby (in some wierd way) died with them. I've begged God not to let this happen to me. Then Wednesday while praying for the Walker family on the floor of my friend's bedroom, He asked me "What if I do let miscarriage happen to you? What if your baby dies before being born?" Talk about a red hot poker through my soul!!!! I had to pray for strength to answer! He has been with me through all the "Isaacs" I've had to lay on the altar of obedient worship and He gave me the courage and strength to lay this one down. If the plan of my sovereign and loving God requires the life or death of my future children, then they are His. If His plan will be carried out in my never having children or never marrying, my body and life are His to do with as He pleases. He has never let me down and it is not in His character to start now. He was, is, and always will be worthy of all praise in every situation. My heart is at peace because it is resting in His hands. The name of my God is a strong tower in which I am safe. Thank you, LORD!!!