To My Joy, March 11, 2009

My Beloved Child,

It seems God has different plans for us. Your beautiful soul has left this world to be with Jesus. We will have to wait a bit longer to meet you, but when we do, it will seem like only a moment has passed. I am so sad, but at peace. God has helped me keep my hands open before Him, so I am broken, but not shattered. I still love you beyond words, Child. You will always be my first baby. I will always remember the five weeks of joy that I knowingly carried you inside me. I am so thankful to our Father for the gift of your life.

So for now, Joy Pollman, goodbye, but not for long.

A Much Needed Update

Well, my dear friends, here I am again. This time I am not alone. In fact, I will never be truly alone for the next 7 1/2 months. Yes, I am pregnant. Although not planned by us, this is the most beautiful thing to happen to us since our wedding (and each subsequent morning waking up next to each other). To think that a little bit of Anders and a little bit of me and the breath of God Almighty has created, in an instant, a whole new tiny person. And to think that that little human is growing and developing inside of me is something my mind has a hard time comprehending.
I wonder about my child. Will my child be a son or daughter? Will he like to read like me, or listen like his papa? Will she like to sing silly songs with her papa, or have to have all the words right like me? Will he like to hunt, fish, shoot guns, and ride horses? Will she love the kitchen and concocting savory dishes? Will he like to play Scrabble? Run races? Will she love to pray and study the Word like her grandparents? Who will he fall in love with and fight for? Who will she wait for, trusting God with her heart?
Can Anders and I teach our child to love these things, to be an overcomer in this world? Will I be the kind of mama who can say no or yes when it is right? I know I will make mistakes. I pray that God will help us learn to be the papa and mama our baby needs us to be.

I love you, my child. Grow strong and healthy.

I can't wait to see you, touch you, smell your sweet, warm scent.

Toes that keep tiny fuzzies between them.

Ears that will lay perfectly like Papa's.

Eyelashes that curl softly against your soft, chubby cheeks.

The faintest wisps of eyebrows.

Dimples in your elbows and knees.

Curious, tiny fingers and exploring mouth.

I love you.

I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what to say today! I will give news bulletins instead.

• Flooding, mudslides, and snow damage abound in Lewis County.
• My father-in-law had bilateral knee replacements on New Year's Eve.
• My brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby in the summer.
• We still love being married.
• We are constantly being asked when we are going to have children. Am I God or something?
• We have a friend coming to visit from the East in the spring.
• My sister is fun.
• My parents are doing very well. Dad has his own business doing tree work.
• Joe is still the best dog in the world.
• I killed my first elk this season. A 4x4 bull.
• I am going to walk around town. Bye!

Here Goes!

Well, Rebecca, I have received your tag/challenge and here are the six random things about me that will wow the blogging world.

1. I used to eat the heads off of matches as a small child. No wonder, huh! I guess I liked the taste of sulfur. Go figger.
2. I have had the same blob of "silver" Silly Putty for over 5 years. I bought it to keep myself occupied during college lectures because the teacher had typed notes for us to follow.
3. If there are too many bubbles in the bubble bath, I get claustrophobic. If I can't wipe the bubbles off my arms because there are too many bubbles on my hands, open the shower door and let me out!
4. I love algebra. There are rules. If you follow the rules, you will get the right answer. Period.
5. My early childhood nicknames include Punkin' Face, Tse-Tse Pie, and the Nine-month-old Terror. If you don't believe the last one, just ask my dad when I'm not around. I'm tired of hearing the stories I don't remember being the main character of.
6. I would rather be bit by a mosquito than a flea.

Was that good enough, Friend? Love you!

Tagging Kendra, Mom, Michele, Barbara, Cayla, and Caleb!

My Husband

I always tell Anders that, as his wife, I am the envy of all women. He is such a good man and an incredible husband. He is the man who always makes me believe that I am beautiful and elegant and feminine, even if I'm not feeling my best. He is very "in tune" to if I'm not feeling well or am upset about something. It's pretty much impossible to try to lie to him by pretending I'm okay if I'm not, he knows me so well. He is a very good listener, never rushing me or acting impatient if emotions are making it difficult to express myself. He helps me around the house as much as he can and always asks me how he can help me out. When I was very sick with mononucleosis this winter, he was an amazing nurse. I didn't want for a thing that he had power to offer me. He made sure I was drinking lots of water and always asked me how my spleen was feeling. He cares about the little things and asks my advice about everything from if the milk is still good to what seasonings would be good with tuna spread to if it would be okay to not style his hair for church. He is such a MAN! A strong, humble, masculine man with a keen sense of honor and respect for others. He is a very good son who loves his parents and my own. There are times the more self-centered side of me clashed with his generous, unselfish, others-first spirit. God is gracious in allowing me to recognize my sin before others get hurt, and those clashes are brief and stimulate growth in our relationship. We don't always agree about everything, but I am humbly pleased to report that we have yet to have a "fight". Learning to communicate clearly without accusation, and to listen without assumptions is something we've spent many hours, sweat, and tears doing. We're far from perfect, and I admit that I'm the one who has to apologize most often, but we know that we don't have to be. He is a good leader, and a man I respect with everything I have. He's my best friend as well as my lover. I trust him completely. He has never given me grounds for jealosy, but confesses his struggles to me and asks for forgiveness. I know that I can tell him anything and everything. I love being with him. I pity the wives who are excited about a weekend "away from that man". I can't sleep without Anders! Who else would tell him all the things he talked about in his sleep? Who else would rub his feet against mine as we slowly wake up in the morning? Those funny, sexy feet. I remember one night during our honeymoon when I awoke from a bad dream. It felt so good to have someone who would listen to the paper fear and sorrow and hold me and tell me it was all okay. Sometimes I wonder if God didn't allow it to happen just so I could experience that wonderful sense of sharing the little things with my new husband. Just thinking of how much I appreciate him brings an expansive feeling of love to my heart that I can physically feel in my chest. Wow, God, are you sure this man is meant for me, not for someone more deserving who could take better care of him? You always have to remind me that that is what grace is all about. Anders loves me from what You have given him with which to love me. That is why is such a good man and wonderful husband. He loves me with Your love for me. My Bridegroom is teaching my husband His own love. And I am learning it, too. Lord, please help me to love him from Your heart. To honor, cherish, and respect him like he so greatly deserves. For Your glory, as an act of worship to You, the Author. Thank You for my husband. You've taught him well.

The Excellent Wife

This morning is not feeling very original yet, but I want to post something wholesome and meaningful. My dear friend, KLH, gave me a wonderful book at my bridal shower. It is "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace (Cool last name, huh!). I'm sorry to say that I have read only six chapters so far, well, seven if you count the one K marked with a very eye-catching book mark. That one was about Super Exciting eXchanges between man and wife...or something like that.

Anyway, I came across a list of ways a wife can be the glory of her husband. I was convicted and encouraged at the same time, which is a rare experience with some books that are out there. With all the fun and wonderfully unique lists on the blogs of my peers, I figured I could fit right in with this one. Here goes.

1. Ask your husband, "What are your goals this week?"


2. Ask your husband, "How can I help you accomplish these goals?"


3. Ask your husband, "Is there anything that I can do differently that would make it easier for you?"


4. Be organized with cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, and cooking. As you fulfill your God-given responsibilities, your husband is then free to do his work.


5. Save some of your energy every day for him.


6. Put him first over the children, your parents, friends, job, ladies' Bible studies, etc.


7. Willingly and cheerfully rearrange your schedule for him when necessary.


8. Talk about him in a positive light to others. Do not slander him at all, even if what you are saying is true.


9. Do whatever you can to make him look good, to accomplish his goals. Some examples are offer to run errands for him, organize your day to be available to help him with his projects, pray for him and make good suggestions. Give him the freedom not to use your suggestion, and do not be offended if he does not follow it.


10. Consider his work (job, goals, hobbies, work for the Lord) as more important than your own.


11. Think of specific ways that you can help him accomplish his goals. Examples are get up early in the mornings to help him get off to work having had a good breakfast, take care in recording telephone messages for him, anticipate any needs he may have in order to attain a specific goal, and keep careful records of money spent to keep up with the budget.
12. Consider the things that you are involved in. How do they glorify your husband? Ask his guidance.
13. Be warm and gracious to his family and friends. Make your commitment to him obvious to them.
14. Do and say things that build him up instead of tear him down.
15. Dress and apply your makeup in an attractive manner that is pleasing to your husband.
16. When your husband sins, reprove him privately and gently, always giving him hope and pointing him to the Lord.
17. Encourage him to use his spiritual gifts in ministry.
18. Realize that just as God is glorified when man obeys Him, your husband is glorified when you obey your husband.

Hi everyone! I hope not all of you have given up on me. I don't have internet access very often and it's hard to think of what to say after such a long absence from Blogger.

Yesterday was the eight-month mark of Anders' and my marriage. What a blessing! I am so very happy with this man. He is everything I've ever dreamed of and more. God looked beyond what I thought I deserved and He gave me what He knew I needed.

Today Anders and his dad are going to fall some trees for a lady near our church building. Also, a group from our church is going to Adna to do some work for the family we adopted. They had been flooded out last fall and lost everything. Because I have to work today I don't get to join in either event. I am trying not to pout. I have to work especially hard because I am sleepy. I wonder if my sister is going to Adna. My parents went to take care of some business at my late grandmother's house. They went to see my brother's family, too. I haven't seen them since before Christmas. I really miss them.

Since the last sentence written, I have spent time outside brushing my horse, Ribbon. She is a 6 (or so) year old sorrel and white pinto of Arabian and Saddlebred blood. She is dainty and sweet and very pretty. She is also very sure-footed in the woods and has the most comfortable gaits I have ever experienced. Before she was given to me by my in-laws as a wedding gift, she was hardly ridden. She has a cautious disposition that constant handling on my part has slowly overcome. I have spent a lot of time earning her trust and I think she knows we belong to each other. Because she is on the bottom of the 10-horse pecking order here on the farm, I stand up for her when the other horses try to chase her around just to affirm themselves. I groom her, take her treats, and scratch her butt. I am teaching her how to lead mannerly, how to respond to what I am asking through the bit, and what it's like to have someone love her. She lets me do what she doesn't let other people do, and she hardly ever shies away from me. She lets me pick up her feet even if she is out in the field not tied to anything. She used to spook at every little thing that was different or happened suddenly, but she is much more steady now. I love my Beauty-girl, my Ribbon-horse. I can't wait until the snows melt off the high mountains so I can take her on a long ride up high. And some day, she will carry me as we go hunting for whatever we hunt on horseback. Elk, I think. I'll have to get her used to rifles going off around her, though. That still makes her nervous. In the meantime, I ride her as much as I can, both alone and with a group. I'm going to sign off now. I hope you aren't too bored. If so, why did you keep reading? Silly.

Time...

Time is interesting.
Anders and I have been married for 3 and a half weeks. It seems like it's always been that way, and yet I remember before our wedding like it was yesterday. All of the struggles, the emotions and the stresses and the way time seemed to drag and fly all at once. And the wedding itself was over so quickly I barely remember enjoying the moment. Our first kiss (ever!) was a lifetime of warm, glittery, electric velvet, but it was over in a heartbeat. Our two weeks at the coast were wonderfully long, but as soon as we were on our way home, we wondered how that time had gone by so quickly!
What is it about time? The rate of time never changes, just our perception of it and how we experience it. Will it be the same way in eternity? Will the time of heaven be the same or will it exist at all? Questions are fun to ask when I know I will never know the answer with this brain. These are questions with glorified answers understood by a glorified mind.

Hi, All!

Here I am! Things are going great for me. Anders proposed to me on March 22, 2007 and we are getting married on September 9, 2007. We are so blessed by what God keeps showing us and growing in us. We are so happy to be engaged, and yet we fight to stay content in Today. Today is all God has promised us. We have no idea if September 2007 is even on God's calendar! So we strive in His strength to trust Him in the todays He gives us. Our wedding is going to be amazing. Tim, Anders, Rebecca, and I discussed the order of the service tonight and I am so looking forward to it. It is absolutely unique and right and beautiful and I am so glad and humbled to be apart of it.
God brought us to a perfect little rental home for us 17 miles west of our home town. Great location close to the insurance office (home for lunch!!!!!), but still with plenty of privacy. And a beautiful yard. And it's so clean and wonderful. And reasonable on our budget. And cute!
Okay, enough for now. I would've updated earlier, but it took me a while to remember my password!
Love you all!

I'm still alive!!!

No excuses, lame or otherwise, will be spelled out for why I haven't been blogging. I have a life and those who also have one will understand.
Things are pretty much the same in general, but a few perks and punks have taken place since October.
I have a beautiful niece named Genevieve Lynn who was born on December 4 at 3:33 pm. You can see the pictures and read the story on my brother and sister-in-law's blogger page at www.augurfamily.blogspot.com .
My dad moved to Portland to take care of his aging mother. She fell again and is coming home from the nursing facility tomorrow.
Anders started working at his dad's office and is really enjoying it. I love visiting him at the office and seeing him all dressed up in his office clothes.
Barbara got a job at the ski area and works 5 days a week. She really loves that, especially skiing and renting for free on her days off. She has a testimony of the Lord there and I am really proud of her.
My calling as youth leader at our church is coming to a close. I think there is a family willing to take over, all that needs to be settled is when. I'm not even sure of that.
I am more in love with Anders than I ever thought possible and I see no sign of it letting up. Though not yet officially engaged, we know that marriage is what God has in store for us.
I'm going to sign off now.
I love you all and thank you for reading.